If the pants fit…

Well the pants fit. Unfortunately not my skinny pants, rather my fat pants, you know the pair that people keep after they’ve lost a bunch of weight to see how far they have come. Yes, those ones. -.-

*Disclaimer: if you are reading this and looking for inspiration look no further, this post is not for you.

I don’t really know what to write, hence my lack of posts lately. I’m way off track, unmotivated and uninspired to lose weight. Why? I don’t know. I really can’t tell you. I want to lose weight but after day one comes a few days of bad days and the cycle repeats. Over and over. Now we are entering in to the holiday season. Awesome. If I can’t stay on track during the rest of the year how am I going to stay on track during this glutton-fest I’ll call Christmas. Do I want to start and then get depressed when I fail? And I can guarantee that I will, me and my willpower are not getting along. At all. Do I say screw it and start January 1 or start today and deal with the ups and downs? Three weeks of good or bad. Don’t get me wrong I loooove the holiday season but I know that I won’t be able to start or stay on track during this period. Excuse? Probably. The good news is that I am asking for workout equipment for Christmas and some tv series that I can watch while on the elliptical. I know I can do this. But not now. Do I want to be the typical person walking into a gym on January 1 with high hopes of a New Years resolution to get in shape? Who cares. As long as it happens. So as much of an excuse as it seems I’ve decided that December 26 will be my day one. Love it, hate it, it’s what will work for me and in the end that is all that matters. Everyone else staying on track during these next few weeks I applaud you. I wish I was stronger.

Ever since my grandpa died I have lost all motivation. Yes, the motivation will hit me in waves for a day or two but overall it’s not there. I can’t blame his death for my failures and I don’t. I’m just struggling with him not being here. Every day I miss him more and more. You would think that death of a loved one would make you want to get in better shape and to live each day to its fullest but to me it is the opposite. It feels like there is a void in my life. I push through each day trying to be a good wife, mother, daughter, sister, granddaughter, employee, friend, etc. In the process I’ve lost myself. And it’s sad when that happens. So I need to find myself. Me.

Wishing everyone a happy holiday! I will be back posting after Christmas. At least it’s not the New Year. I need to get a week head start on all the New Years resolutions out there after all.